The Dear Dora Advice Column Finale
Robert Dora
Issue date: 4/20/09 Section: Features
Loyal readers, welcome to the eleventh and final installment of the "Dear Dora" advice column. This week we have several lucky college students in need of assistance. It has been a pleasure trying to guide the depraved individuals that write in. Hopefully Clarkson will continue to function without my sage-like advice.
Dear Dora,
I have a bunch of finals coming up. I don't seem to have enough time to study for everything. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Stressed at CU
Dear Stressed at CU,
If you don't start studying until an hour before each final then you'll get the adrenaline flowing. They say with adrenaline that a mother can lift a car off her child, so I've come to the conclusion that adrenaline makes you a superhero. As such with super speed, strength, and intellect you'll do fine on your finals.
In the mean time, I suggest playing video games ad browsing through the puzzle sections of The Clarkson Integrator. It will be a much better and more rewarding use of your time.
Dear Dora,
My girlfriend keeps sending in telling everyone weird stuff about me. Between that and her behavior as of late, I'm starting to think that she may be having a mental breakdown. Is there any way to tell for sure?
Sincerely,
Atta Loss
Dear Atta Loss,
There's a good chance that she may be suffering from what physicians have come to refer to as "Sudden Onset Clarksonian Syndrome" or SOCS. It is rare, but a female can possess the Clarkson Gene. When the gene becomes active, something primal takes over.
Dear Dora,
Your advice has ruined my life. I have been a loyal reader from the start. I did everything you told me to. Since that time, my girlfriend has left me, I've been arrested three times, two of my family members actually died, and I can only see out of one eye. When I tried to take legal action against you, I was taken hostage for nearly two weeks…
Sincerely,
Dazed and Disturbed
Dear Dazed and Disturbed,
I don't see a question in there. Sounds like you're making a lot of excuses, you should probably suck it up.
Dear Dora,
I have a bunch of finals coming up. I don't seem to have enough time to study for everything. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Stressed at CU
Dear Stressed at CU,
If you don't start studying until an hour before each final then you'll get the adrenaline flowing. They say with adrenaline that a mother can lift a car off her child, so I've come to the conclusion that adrenaline makes you a superhero. As such with super speed, strength, and intellect you'll do fine on your finals.
In the mean time, I suggest playing video games ad browsing through the puzzle sections of The Clarkson Integrator. It will be a much better and more rewarding use of your time.
Dear Dora,
My girlfriend keeps sending in telling everyone weird stuff about me. Between that and her behavior as of late, I'm starting to think that she may be having a mental breakdown. Is there any way to tell for sure?
Sincerely,
Atta Loss
Dear Atta Loss,
There's a good chance that she may be suffering from what physicians have come to refer to as "Sudden Onset Clarksonian Syndrome" or SOCS. It is rare, but a female can possess the Clarkson Gene. When the gene becomes active, something primal takes over.
Dear Dora,
Your advice has ruined my life. I have been a loyal reader from the start. I did everything you told me to. Since that time, my girlfriend has left me, I've been arrested three times, two of my family members actually died, and I can only see out of one eye. When I tried to take legal action against you, I was taken hostage for nearly two weeks…
Sincerely,
Dazed and Disturbed
Dear Dazed and Disturbed,
I don't see a question in there. Sounds like you're making a lot of excuses, you should probably suck it up.
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